Confidence is such an intimidating word for many of us. I struggled for years with identifying who I really am and convincing myself I'm not a horrible person. I've dealt with so much to get where I am mentally nowadays: suicide attempts, depression, eating disorders, .... and unfortunately the list goes on. But that's a story for a different day. I thought I'd share with you all how I try my best to maintain confidence and maybe some of my tips will help you out or maybe even inspire you to think of your own ways to be more confident on a daily basis.
"Why can't I be perfect?"
It's okay to have flaws. Your flaws are what make you unique and usually are what your friends love about you. Nobody likes a "perfect" person...there isn't even such a thing as perfection in a human anyway. Embrace what you think is a flaw but go with it. If you try to put on an act, others will see you're not comfortable in your own skin and may make them act differently towards you. In words of RuPaul, "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?!" That goes for more then a significant other too - you love your friends but you really can't be capable of loving others until you can look in the mirror and not hate what you see.
"I have, like, so many friends on Facebook..."
You really don't need 100+ friends to be happy. In grade school and high school, popularity seems to be measured by the number of friends we have in our circles and how many people show up to our birthday parties. But, if those people who are constantly surrounding you are negative or just flat out don't want to be your friend in the first place - what's the point? It's so much better to focus on the positive people that lift you up, make you laugh, and are there for you during tough times rather then waste energy on trying to please friends who will never be satisfied with you anyway. Being captivated with solely positive energy has a huge effect on confidence too. You won't be so down on yourself if you have only those who truly care around you. You'll start to see what they see in you rather then focus on what dickheads tend to point out all the time.
"She's so fake for wearing makeup"
If you want to wear makeup, a certain hairstyle, a brand of clothes, or whatever to make you feel better about what you see in the mirror - DO IT! Make up doesn't make someone "fake" and enjoying owning brands doesn't make someone that way either. More power to those who have maximum confidence and can look at themselves in the mirror and be proud of what they see. Internally, if you need that stuff to make you think you're a good person though, that's a bad sign. You need to accept who you are emotionally and shouldn't ever feel "ugly" deep down. But - if eyeliner makes you happy in the morning and gives you the confidence to get shit done at work, school, or just in your personal life - put it on every single day. Smile at yourself in the mirror in your Betsey Johnson wardrobe and go kill it in the real world! But just remember, beauty products don't fix a bad personality. Keep a balance of the two :)
"You're weak for being so positive"
It's not corny to look at inspiring quotes daily on your calendar or to give yourself pep talks each morning. When I'm brushing my teeth at 5AM, I have to talk to myself to wake myself up and get myself pumped for the day. I also have a little quotation card set on my desk at work that I look at several times during the day to remember it's not as bad as I think. Today it says, "Add to your joy by counting your blessings." Yeah, I've heard that a million times but it helps to see it when I'm getting frustrated at work. Find a little quote that you can say to yourself that'll build up your mind and make you feel better. SMILING helps too! Actually laughing or smiling will instantly boost up your confidence. I always forget to smile but as soon as I try to have a little fun, I feel a whole lot better about myself.
"You're too old to play video games though"
Find a hobby you can lose yourself in. Music, games, art...whatever you are keen too. Find your niche and geek out. Don't be "embarrassed" by liking something that society may not think is "cool." Make it your own and work it. Do you. Try new things and lose yourself in those interests. I love music, gaming, art, traveling, reading...oh the list is endless. To be more specific: I can immerse myself into a whole new realm of identity in a video game and that definitely brings up my ego. I can be somebody else and forget all of my troubles. Or, I can blast some music and get lost in emotion and further develop my confidence. You get the picture, right? If you enjoy fishing - go fishing every weekend. Brag about it to others and make new friends while doing it!
"I wish I wasn't me"
Stop comparing yourself to other people!! This was the hardest for me to do, and honestly I still do it from time to time. We cannot be anyone but ourselves. Stop with, "I wish I had her eyes....I wish I had more of a tan....I wish this freckle was somewhere else." You can't change that stuff so as I said for my first tip, just embrace what you have. Find a way to make yourself like what you see in the mirror - maybe a certain eye shadow will make you love your eye color. Maybe finding an awesome pair of specks (if you wear glasses) will make you feel better about your confidence too. You get the idea. Comparing yourself to others is a huge hit to your ego. It builds up over the years and you'll end up hating yourself. Don't be shy to look up to people and maybe grow from what you like about that person. You can compliment others, of course, on what you like about them too but remember to compliment yourself at the same time.
"Yeah, sure, I"ll miss my kids birthday to come into work!"
It's okay to say, "NO." If you aren't down to do a favor for somebody or don't feel like going into work on your day off - it's totally okay to say "No thanks." Stick up for yourself and do what YOU want. I'm a "Yes" person myself and have a difficult time uttering the word "No." Knowing when to deny favors will build up your confidence over time. I'm not saying to turn into a recluse and never do favors for people again - but never feel obligated to always drop what you're doing to help someone who maybe isn't even a good friend to you. It's not your responsibility to bring happiness to each and every person you encounter on a daily basis - it's your job to only make you happy. If you're happy, you'll automatically make others happy around you anyway.
Those are just some of the things I try to remember constantly in order to maintain my average confidence. There are so many other things you can do so don't limit yourself. Hopefully these helped some of you out or at least gave you some inspiration on how to boost your own confidence. Comment below with how you stay positive and confident and remember to stay #nerdy!